Religion & Dentistry: Can Your Dentist Bring You Closer to God?

Religion & Dentistry I could go on and on about this particular profession. Once again, I will go to pains to not offend anyone, but I make no guarantees.

If I did offend you, then I’m sorry in advance, it isn’t my intention to disprove or ratify any specific religion over another. It’s just something we do as people. Religion does have several elements that are common to nearly all flavors. We turn to religions as a voice of authority that is willing in many cases downright eagerly to tell us how we can improve ourselves and our lives. We tell religion that we want to be nagged about what we are doing wrong. 

Another subject I could go on and on, amazingly is Dentists are the only profession that I can think of that not only works on your mouth while you wait, but you’re conscious while it all happens! I’m given to understand that Dentists have the highest suicide rate amongst professionals. This isn’t a big shock considering that the best compliment a Dentist can get is characterised by the phrase it didn’t hurt a bit! This is usually said with some shock and amazement. 

You talked to God, But you can’t talk to Your Dentist

Spirituality aside, when you talk to God, however you choose to do it, you will hear back nothing. This doesn’t mean you won’t manufacture some meaning out of your conversation, but by and large, if you say hello God, you will not get a ‘hi there’ back from the big guy. He just doesn’t do things that way. 

When you are sitting in the Dentists chair, prayers are common before wisdom teeth removal these roles are reversed. Most Dentists will carry on a one-sided conversation with you for no other reason than to distract themselves from the fact that you forgot to use mouthwash before you sat in the chair. They will ask you things and the best you can do is roll your eyes or possibly make a sound that would be indistinguishable from nature if heard in a Forrest.

You Can’t Lie To The Dentist, But You Can Easily Lie To Clergy

Your dentist on the other hand will take your lies for what they are, lies. They will nod their heads in understanding when you say ‘I think I floss almost every night, and I brush two times a day. But when they look at your cherry red gums and the decay that runs rampant through your teeth like Israelites through the Philistines, both you and the dentist know that your lie will avail you nothing.

In many religions, the process of unburdening one’s soul comes in the form of confession. When you go to your religious leader, you may confess your sin, but if it’s not something you are proud of, you will skirt the truth of it, you will talk around it, you will justify yourself in your actions. Your minister knows that the process is there for you, the minister is just there to facilitate. So the minister will take your self-absolving lies and let you go your merry way.

  • Proper observance of Religion requires meetings once a week and Dentistry the meetings are twice a year. Sitting in the chair to have all of your sins revealed is uncomfortable at best. People have their mouths open large enough to provide stadium seating. They have devices that promote good gum and tooth health that are of course painful. They take dental X-rays, just to make sure you don’t slip a cavity unnoticed. Then they tell you you really should be flossing every day, not just when adverse affects, risks, and complications you can’t force air between your teeth anymore. Because most church meetings happen every week, they tend to be much less severe. lower dose over a higher frequency. 
  • In both Religion and Dentistry, you can see visions. Well, maybe not visions in a Moses I need you to save my people sort of way, but you will enter an altered state of mind between the nitrous oxide and the Novocaine. Punctuate that by sudden flashes of pain and you’ve got some pretty intense stimulation. In Religion, visions are only the purview of the particularly pious. Most people will live their whole lives seeing nothing more exciting from above than a sky-written message that says eat at joes.
  • Religion has arcane secrets, so does Dentistry. In religion, some certain rites and rituals are only for the devout of the Religion. This is for several reasons. First, it is these high rites that pushes us further within religion. We try to better ourselves if for no other reason, to partake of this high ceremony. If you aren’t a true believer, some of these rituals will seem downright goofy and religion has no use for a skeptic. In Dentistry they already have you in the chair, you are there to witness the Dentists every move. The last thing the dentist needs is for you to become nervous in the chair. Many tools of the dentist’s trade are passed to and from the dentist under your view. If you were to see the rather impressive syringe that they are about to puncture your jaw with, you might get a little uptight.  A good dentist employs many tactics with which to distract and mesmerise you. All to make that unpleasant situation just a bit more bearable.

Religion & Dentistry

Religion and Dentistry both want to make sure kids aren’t afraid to come and neither are successful. Kids hate 2 things. Being bored and being in pain. If they were to look at Going to church v.s. Going to the Dentist they would likely ask ‘how long is the church?’ This is especially funny since kids have NO concept of time at all. Usually, the chance of pain far outweighs the security of boredom. 

Religion has Church-lite where the rules are relaxed for kids. They play games and sing songs and try to have as good a time as they can. They call it Sunday School. The dentists usually have the Treasure Chest In a kid’s life, this is the only method by which they can judge the professional nature of the dentist. If the dentist only has mood rings and some crappy tops, that isn’t going to cut the mustard and certainly, this tooth fairy smells of quackery. 

Everyone knows a large toy chest filled with fun is the only way to somewhat assuage the abject terror that same child felt just moments ago. This attribute is bragged about by friends at school. Nobody is bragging about what they got at church unless, of course, they got out early